I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
