bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
