I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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