Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
this boner is exhausting
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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