I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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