Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
50% drunk capacity currently
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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