i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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