I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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