When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
