Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
