if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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