I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
