and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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