i will never coherently bang her
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
