The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
