It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
