Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
