You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
