the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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