i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
