Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
