All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My penis needs a shock collar
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
