i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
