I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize