Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
