at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
