I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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