dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
