There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
