I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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