he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize