I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
