So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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