Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
