I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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