You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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