I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
