He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
