I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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