So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
