Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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