i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He? As in you personified your dick?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
