i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
