in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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