More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
