how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
