i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
