this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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