Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
