If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We left the knife in your bed.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
