Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
