I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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