Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
