I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
