I bet he comes in French.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
