Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Randomize
