It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
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