This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
