remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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