Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
