Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize