in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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