He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
well you can't waste a boner
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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