What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
