I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
