I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
