Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
