I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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