I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
