I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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