So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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